Gothic Nails

Hi guys, as you may know, I lost all my pictures recently. After much consideration, I realize I had to delete all my posts & that felt horrible. I thought about it for awhile, I'm not entirely sure if this is the right choice but I decided to continue blogging, at least for the time being. I decided to do gothic nails to "grieve" for the loss of my photos. I'm still really sad about the loss but I'm trying to remain upbeat. 

I used a basic matte black nail polish from Kazakhstan & used BM-323 stamping plate. Simple, gloomy & girly at the same time. 

Okay hope you guys keep reading <3 I'll keep posting more regularly to make up for my lost posts. I'm keeping a couple of my recent personal posts because I think they're still okay :)

Depression; Fighting The Good Fight

Hi guys, I'd be talking about something on a more personal level & this might be a super long post so I hope you all choose to bear with me. 

I've been in a deep funk lately, for reasons unknown. I'm guessing life just got to me. I kept wondering over & over again if there was anything more to life, or if this was just all there is. I kept beating myself over the head with it, how insignificant I was & how I could've tried harder. 

My days kept on dragging by, & it spent all my energy just getting through half the day. My sleep cycles got longer & longer. Soon, it was all I could do to get out of bed. Many days I just wanted to lie there, not wanting to face the world, wishing I wouldn't wake up. 

I didn't just wake up one day & said "I'm depressed." It was gradual & I didn't even realize it. I felt like shit all the time. Every action, every smile & laugh was forced, as the days went by I just slowly stopped feeling anything. Months went by & nothing changed. I just buried myself in anything & everything I could find. Only when I did realize something was wrong did I find this constant state of numbness mind boggling. It was strange, almost like a trance. Then the crying came. Every night I'd sit by myself & sob, without knowing why. This would continue through out the night for weeks on end, I was lucky to get a couple hours of sleep. So much hate for myself at this stage, it was both mentally & physically exhausting, being brow beaten constantly.

I thought Hyperbole and a Half drew this to a T.

 I didn't want to go out with friends or family, I just wanted to be alone. I saw some friends slip away during this period. I couldn't even see happy videos on Youtube without feeling sick. It was complete & utter madness. I had stood up against bullying but in reality I was bullying myself. 

Yesterday night I became defiant, something I hadn't felt in so long, I picked a site that I had gone to a long time ago, GivesMeHope.com or GMH for short, I used to go on this everyday for a little pick me up. I went on it last night. I think I scrolled though 50 pages. I cried like a little girl at the end of it. This time it was tears of happiness. I think I made a small step today, I know that I'm not completely happy right now but it'll get better. I'll keep telling myself that.

Eradicate The Hate

Hi everyone! I'd firstly like to apologize for my absence these past 2 weeks, my mum used the camera for her holiday & it broke :( Pretty much stuck with my cell pictures right now & I constantly post on Instagram (abbynakajima).

Anyway, the reason why I'm posting today is about the drama I've heard recently coming out of the nail polish community. It's understood that if you stick a bunch of women together, a whole lot of bitch is going to pop right up. I'm not surprised that there are arguments, in fact I'd be very suspicious if there were none. I'm glad you guys usually argue things out instead of backstabbing people. What really pisses me off is bullying. I can't stand people being made fun of (secretly or otherwise), or a whole campaign that starts out against her. Many of these women are a hell a lot older than me, it appalled me to see people acting so childishly. Please remind me when did this start becoming middle school again? I'm sorry that y'all are no longer sorority queens or Miss. Popular but it doesn't give anyone the right to bring a single person down. 

On a personal level, it brings all my insecurities up to light, like many others I've been bullied before, this issue makes me wonder if there are others quietly mocking me behind my back. I may lack the eloquence in this post but trust me when I say I'm sincere.

To the girls that were involved, I hope y'all really think about the backlash. From now on I hope there will be no more drama, bitchiness, backstabbing, name calling & campaigns.

P.S: I'd be adding the badge once I can edit the dimensions of it! <3